Instead of Harmony: A Second Chance Jewish Regency Romance (Diamond Dynasty Book 1) by Sara Adrien

Author:Sara Adrien [Adrien, Sara]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2023-02-13T00:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 23

“They learned quickly, and their accents were…” He closed his eyes. “They commented on everything and talked the steps through in broken English, singing in Italian like sirens of pleasure.”

He knew how much this hurt Laila. He was picking at her. Probing deeper. Hoping she’d snap and push him away before he could fall so low that he could never leave her side. He’d turn into a barnacle and stick to her for life, especially when she was piping mad at him. It was the cowardly thing to do, hurting her to protect himself. His weak self. He hated himself and was sure he’d never deserve Laila again. It was for the best if she pushed him away. He wasn’t strong enough. And he was a coward.

“Carry on! Why stop now?” She bit the words out, almost barking at him.

“Chiara was in front of me, kissing and exploring. Laura unbuttoned my shirt.”

Laila hit the table and stood. She pivoted and stormed upstairs.

He didn’t want to go after her. She’d asked for it like a masochistic wench.

But she was hurting. And she was Laila, the most beautiful, intelligent, and good-hearted woman he’d ever known. The only one worth knowing.

Raphi took the stairs two steps at a time and followed her to her room.

She glared at him. “What do you want?”

“What do I want? You kept asking for it! Asking and probing. Ping, ping, ping.” He poked her shoulder just as he’d done when they were children.

She locked her gaze on his hand and furrowed her brows. “Was that all? The three sisters?”

“No. There was Maria, too.”

“What did you do in Italy? Play man whore?” she shouted.

He shouted back, “No, I wasn’t whoring! Nobody paid me. I was trying to dull the pain. Would you have preferred I drank myself into oblivion? Or tried opium? What was I supposed to do? I was a young horny man, and I knew you were off-limits! Should I have barged into your house with Joseph and begged for a turn?”

“Why did you feel you had to destroy yourself?”

That caught him off guard. Somehow, Laila had seen everything within him. She’d analyzed the feelings that took him years to understand. Did he understand them even now?

“I … I … I punished myself. And I wanted to indulge. I know it was wrong but even now, I don’t see what else I could’ve done.”

“Punish yourself for what?”

“For letting you go. For not going after you. For taking what I knew was reserved for Joseph.”

“And indulge…” she dropped her intonation, nudging him to complete the sentence.

“Laila, I loved you. I still do! With the kind of all-consuming love that only grows within if you grow up together. I was cut in half when you left. And yet, my body was randy. I couldn’t consolidate my duty to Joseph, the respect I was raised to have for the sanctity of marriage, and the need to go after you. It drove me mad, I tried to run away but the pain followed everywhere.

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